I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
