3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
