I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
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I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
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If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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