I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Your dad touched me again.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
