Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
