In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I need moral support for this bender
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Boobs speak an international language.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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