That's when you crack a 10am beer
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You need Xanax blowdarts
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
