Tell her she can't have a vagina
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
