someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I had to cum in my sink.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
