Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
