i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
