If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize