it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
