i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.