my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
