im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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