Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
