you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
