at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
