chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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