I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
