just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
