I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
