Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
