I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
