Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
