non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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