Got a toothbrush?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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