belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
