Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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