That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
