dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
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my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
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So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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