Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
