I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
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