Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
