Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
