Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
whose ass print is on the piano?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
