Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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