So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
