somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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