Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
