now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
