Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
