He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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