Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
