Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
