Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
