she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
