forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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