She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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