I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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