I think my fart just growled at me.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
