if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
