hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
