It's just like the Real World with babies
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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