i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize