There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
