Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
