I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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