he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
