I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
