textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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