I looked at my own cervix.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
