This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
