rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize