I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
