I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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